Unbelievable China: James Joyce, Coffee, & a Secret Mountaintop Temple!
Unbelievable China: James Joyce, Coffee, & a Secret Mountaintop Temple! - A Messy, Honest, & Utterly Unforgettable Review! (SEO-Infused)
Okay, folks, buckle up. Because I just got back from… well, "Unbelievable China: James Joyce, Coffee, & a Secret Mountaintop Temple!" And let me tell you, the name doesn't lie. This place is… something. Forget sterile hotel reviews, this is a raw, unfiltered, and hopefully, helpful take on what you’ve been thinking of.
(SEO Keywords in Play: Unbelievable China, James Joyce, China Hotel, Mountaintop Temple, Hotel Review, Luxury Hotel, Accessible Hotel, Spa Hotel, Family-Friendly Hotel, Chinese Travel, Best Hotels China, WiFi Hotel, Pool with a View China, Fitness Center China, Spa in China)
First off, let's be real. Finding a truly accessible place in China? It can feel like a treasure hunt. This place tries. They've got an elevator (praise be!), and facilities for disabled guests. Now, are the ramps perfectly angled and the doorways wide enough for a monster truck? Probably not. But they are trying. And, hey, they’ve got a convenience store downstairs. That’s a win in my book. They get a good mark for trying and definitely a much higher score than other hotels I have been to in China.
(Accessibility, Facilities for disabled guests, Elevator)
The Vibe: A Mix of Grand and… Quirky.
Imagine a fancy hotel (think hotel chain big style) crossed with a slightly eccentric uncle who’s obsessed with travel. That’s the basic feel. The lobby is all polished marble and glittering chandeliers. Then you walk down a back hallway and find a tiny shrine tucked in the corner. Seriously? Love it. They had a Shrine.
(Hotel chain, Shrine)
Rooms that are actually liveable!
My room? Clean, surprisingly spacious (they seem a bit more generous with the extra long bed, unlike many other places, I can get out of bed without falling off the side!), and equipped with the usual suspects – air conditioning, a desk (essential for my laptop, which I am using right now), a mini bar with free bottled water (always appreciated), bathrobes, and slippers. The blackout curtains are a godsend when you’re fighting jet lag. And the Wi-Fi [free] actually works! (More on that later). I felt quite comfortable in the rooms and the fact that the daily housekeeping was on hand was very appreciated.
(Air conditioning, Desk, Mini bar, Free bottled water, Bathrobes, Slippers, Blackout curtains, Wi-Fi [free], Daily housekeeping, extra long bed)
The James Joyce Thing… Seriously?
Okay, so about that "James Joyce" part. They do have a library with a few, very well-worn, copies of Ulysses. And some of the decor… well, it feels like someone had a mad idea and ran with it. I mean, there’s a framed quote from Portrait of the Artist in the lobby. It's… different. But honestly, it adds character. It's like the hotel is saying, "We're not boring! We like unusual things." It's a nice change, and the reading light was actually useful for reading on the bed.
(Reading light)
Food and Drink… A Rollercoaster, But in a Good Way!
Let’s talk food. This is where things get… unpredictable. The Asian breakfast is included. With a buffet. It was… extensive. Noodles, dumplings, congee, the works. Freshly made coffee/tea in restaurant which was lovely. There are a few restaurants, some with Western cuisine, some with Asian cuisine. One night I had a truly AMAZING bowl of soup, another night… well, let's just say the salad was enthusiastic. There's a bar for happy hour and the poolside bar is great to enjoy some drink in the sun. All the restaurants are air conditioned in public area! The bottle of water given was also a great touch! And the desserts in restaurant was amazing.
(Asian breakfast, Buffet in restaurant, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Restaurants, Western cuisine, Asian cuisine, Bar, Happy hour, Poolside bar, Bottle of water, Desserts in restaurant)
Warning: The overall vibe for food is, “Be prepared for anything.” Which, in my opinion, is part of the fun. They also have a room service [24-hour].
The Spa & Relaxation – Where I Accidentally Became a Zen Master (Maybe)
Alright, time to gush. The spa situation is… ridiculous. In the best way possible. They have a pool with a view (stunning, seriously), a sauna, a steamroom, and a massage (seriously, get the massage!). I got a body scrub and body wrap too. It was blissful. I also spent an hour in the foot bath—it was pure zen, I tell you. And the spa/sauna situation overall was top notch, the staff there are great!
(Pool with view, Sauna, Steamroom, Massage, Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Spa/sauna)
The gym/fitness center, while not quite state-of-the-art, had the basics and was clean.
(Gym/fitness)
Internet: Yay and… Sort Of Yay
Okay, the Wi-Fi [free] usually works. Sometimes it’s lightning fast, sometimes it's… not. They promise Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (and they deliver, mostly). They also have Internet access – LAN if you really need to get serious and have a Laptop workspace. I did connect my other devices, which required a bit of fiddling.
(Wi-Fi [free], Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, Internet access – LAN, Laptop workspace)
Cleanliness and Safety: They're Trying!
Let’s touch on the not-so-fun stuff. In these uncertain times, everyone's on edge about cleanliness. They do take it seriously. Daily disinfection in common areas, hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff seemed well-trained in safety protocols. You also get individually-wrapped food options, and safe dining setup. They even have anti-viral cleaning products. They are practicing physical distancing of at least 1 meter.
(Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Individually-wrapped food options, Safe dining setup, Anti-viral cleaning products, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Staff trained in safety protocol)
The Staff: A Mixed Bag, But Mostly Friendly
The staff… varied. Some were incredibly helpful and spoke excellent English. Others… less so. But everyone tried. And that counts for a lot, especially when you’re trying to navigate a culture that might be vastly different from your own. The front desk [24-hour] was a lifesaver at times. The guy at the concierge desk helped me work out some local transport.
(Front desk [24-hour], Concierge)
Things to Do: Beyond the Hotel Walls
Okay, the main event. The Secret Mountaintop Temple. (And you're wondering what that means, aren't you?) The concierge can help you get there. The photos? Don't do it justice. Prepare to be gobsmacked. It's a real temple, with monks, incense, and an atmosphere of… well, serenity. And the views from the top? Unbelievable. And the shrine definitely helps build this unique experience!
(Shrine, Mountaintop Temple)
For Families: Kid-Friendly, Just… Know What You're In For
They are Family/child friendly. There’s a babysitting service available. Kids facilities are available. The restaurants have kids meal. Consider the quirkiness factor, but if your kids are adventurous, they'll love this place as much as you will.
(Family/child friendly, Babysitting service, Kids facilities, Kids meal)
The Imperfections? Yep, There Are a Few…
No place is perfect. Small things: The shower water pressure could be better. Sometimes the elevator… well, it's a Chinese elevator, so there are some occasional pauses. Overall, though, these flaws are minor.
Final Verdict: Book It! (With These Caveats)
If you're after a cookie-cutter hotel experience, this isn't it. If you like things a little offbeat, if you appreciate a good spa and a breathtaking view, if you're willing to embrace a little chaos, and if you dream of a true cultural experience, then Unbelievable China: James Joyce, Coffee, & a Secret Mountaintop Temple! is absolutely worth it.
I'd give it a solid 4.5 out of 5 stars. It's a hotel with its own unique charm, and that's a win in my book!
**Here
Escape to Paradise: Hotel Agena, France Awaits!
Alright, buckle up buttercups. We’re doing this. Guilin, baby! From a railway station named after JAMES JOYCE (yes, you heard that right – I'm already questioning reality) to the shimmering Liangjiang Sihu Wharf, this is gonna be less "structured travelogue" and more "me stumbling through China while occasionally remembering to take notes." Here we go…
Guilin, China: A Messy, Joycean Pilgrimage (Maybe?)
(Day 1: Arrival & Railway Station Shenanigans)
Morning (6:00 AM): Wake up, bleary-eyed. Curse the time change. Curse the lack of decent coffee. Curse the tiny, oddly-shaped hotel pillow. I'm pretty sure it actively shifted around throughout the night, evading all attempts at comfort.
Morning (7:30 AM): Arrive at Guilin Railway Station. Or… James Joyce Coffetel Guilin Railway Station. Seriously. They named a coffee shop after Joyce? Someone in marketing was on something good, I swear. Anyway, finding the actual train is a delightful exercise in sign-reading and panicked gesturing. My Mandarin is, uh, nascent. Think "order beer" and "where bathroom?" Level.
Morning (8:30 AM - 10:00 AM): The train! Ah, the sweet, sweet promise of relative stillness. Find my assigned hard-seat, which seems to be a bench directly in the path of a roaring air conditioner. Okay, I'm starting to get the hang of this. Maybe. Observe the other passengers. A gaggle of loud, gossiping grandmas, a businessman glued to his phone, and that perpetually-sleeping dude, who looks like he hasn’t slept a wink in a decade. And the food! I try a mystery meat bun obtained from a mobile vendor. It's… an experience. Let’s just say it was a taste of the authentic. And my stomach is already a little confused.
Midday (12:00 PM): Arrival! (Finally!) At the other side of the station. Find the nearest, cleanest(ish) bathroom and collapse in a heap of relief.
Afternoon (2:00 PM): The hotel. It's… well, it has air conditioning, and a bed. Count your blessings, right? Plus, that's more than I expected. Decide to explore Xiangbi Mountain. This part is actually scenic. The Elephant Trunk Hill, the main landmark. Exquisite stuff. Take approximately 5,000 photos. Feel the first pangs of "This is actually beautiful." Don't tell anyone I said that.
Afternoon (4:00 PM): Get lost. Accidentally stumble into a local market. It’s a sensory overload of smells (some good, some… less so), sights (a bewildering array of produce and questionable cuts of meat), and sounds (a cacophony of chatter, hawkers, and what sounds suspiciously like a rooster being forced to sing opera). Buy fruit. Don't know what kind. Hope for the best.
Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner. Try to order food in a restaurant using my phone's translation app. The woman in the restaurant smiles. She’s either incredibly patient, or she thinks I’m a total idiot. Probably both. Get dumplings. They're delicious. I think I ordered them correctly. Cross fingers.
Evening (9:00 PM): Collapse in the hotel bed, utterly exhausted but strangely… content. Journal.
(Day 2: Liangjiang Sihu Wharf & Watery Wonders - A Deep Dive)
- Morning (9:00 AM): (Yes, I slept in. Blame jet lag and the joy of questionable hotel pillows.) Breakfast: This time I know exactly what kind of buns I'm ordering.
- Morning (11:00 AM - 2:00 PM): The Liangjiang Sihu Wharf. This is the point: a boat tour of the four lakes and two rivers that surround Guilin. Get ready for the real postcard views. The water glows an unreal green. Karst Mountains emerge from the mist. I can’t even. I take a million more photos. Spend a painful amount of time trying to get the perfect Instagram shot. (Fail, obviously.)
- Midday (2:00 PM - 3:00 PM): Double down on the boat tour! I’m not saying it was perfect the first time, just the first time I saw it. I spent all this time trying to capture the perfect images to make sure the people at home appreciate it. However, I was too busy making sure they appreciated it! I was too far away from appreciating. I took a seat and ignored my phone! I just let the scenery wash over me. The light, the mist, the reflections… I felt it. And it was… breathtaking. Yeah, I said it.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): Walk along the riverbanks. Observe the locals. Find a group of elderly men playing Chinese chess. Try to understand the rules. Fail. Watch them intently anyway. Realize I will never be as zen as those men.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Find a restaurant with outdoor seating. Order more dumplings. This time, they have real beer! Feel a surge of pure, unadulterated happiness.
- Evening (9:00 PM): Walk back to the hotel. The city is lit up. The reflections in the water are mesmerizing. Feeling a weird, bittersweet mix of exhaustion and elation. Is this what travel is supposed to feel like?
(Day 3: Farewell (For Now) & The Persistent Memory of Joyce)
- Morning (8:00 AM): (Okay, I woke up early to catch the sunrise… mostly because I was afraid the bizarre hotel pillow would stage a coup if I slept a moment longer.) One last look at Elephant Trunk Hill. Sigh. I’m actually going to miss this. (Insert eye roll.)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Back to the James Joyce Coffetel Guilin Railway Station. Because, you know, why would I not want to return where the train started? Get a coffee. (It’s okay-ish.) Watch the world go by. Still can’t believe they named it that. (Is it a cosmic joke? Perhaps.)
- Midday (11:00 AM): Board the train. Onto the next adventure. Wonder if I'll ever truly understand Joyce's Ulysses. Or China, for that matter. Probably not. But at least I got to see some beautiful things, eat some interesting food, and, you know, navigate a railway station named after a dead Irish writer while simultaneously fighting off the tyranny of a terrible hotel pillow. Small victories, people. Small victories.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): The train ride starts.
- Evening (5:00 PM): Arrive.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Plan the next trip.
Unbelievable China: FAQ - Joyce, Coffee, and That Freakin' Temple! (Seriously, WTF?)
Okay, so... China. James Joyce? Coffee? Mountaintop Temple? Are you, like, completely nuts?
Tell me more about the coffee! (Because, priorities.)
So, you're saying the coffee situation was... inconsistent?
What about the Mountaintop Temple? That's the "Unbelievable" part, right?
And James Joyce? What's the connection? Did you, like, sit around reading Ulysses in a teahouse?
What was the *worst* part? (Besides the questionable coffee.)
And the *best* part? (Redeem yourself!)
Any advice for people considering a trip like this?
Final thoughts?
