Luxury Montenegro Escape: Apartment Lazar & Marco Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this review of Luxury Montenegro Escape: Apartment Lazar & Marco Awaits! is going to be less pristine tourism brochure and more, well, me. Prepare for some serious stream-of-consciousness, because let's be honest, that's how I experience travel anyway. And also, I totally need a vacation. Let's dive into this Montenegrin dream, shall we?
Luxury Montenegro Escape: Apartment Lazar & Marco Awaits! - My Rambling, Unfiltered Take
First off, the name? Luxury Montenegro Escape: Apartment Lazar & Marco Awaits! Sounds like something out of a romance novel, doesn't it? I'm already picturing myself sipping something fruity on a balcony, staring dramatically at the Adriatic. Let's see if the reality lives up to the hype (and my overactive imagination).
Accessibility & Getting There - Pray for My Ankles
Okay, so, big reality check. Accessibility. This is something I always check because my poor, easily-twisted ankles would throw a fit on cobblestones. The listing does mention "Facilities for disabled guests," and "Elevator," which is a GREAT START. But, without specifics, I'd recommend contacting them directly beforehand to ensure it caters to your specific needs. Because let's face it, "accessible" can mean a wide range of things, and I don't want a repeat of that disastrous Venice trip. (Don't even get me started on that gondola fiasco.) As for getting there… "Airport transfer" is listed – thank you, universe! – and "Car park [free of charge]" on-site is clutch, and "Car power charging station," well hell yes! "Bicycle parking" makes me hopeful for a slightly less lazy exploration of the coast.
Internet – The Real Deal or a Digital Desert?
"Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" Hallelujah! "Internet," "Internet [LAN]," and "Internet services" – okay, they're serious about connectivity. This is crucial, folks. A disconnected traveler is a grumpy traveler. I need my Instagram, my emails, my ridiculous online shopping habit… you get the picture. Knowing I can probably binge-watch Netflix at 3 am without a data cap is soothing. Wi-Fi in public areas is also a big bonus for those of us who like to people-watch while we… well, surf the internet.
Cleanliness & Safety – Because, You Know, Current Events
This is huge right now, right? And Apartment Lazar and Marco seem to be taking it seriously. "Anti-viral cleaning products," "Daily disinfection in common areas," "Hand sanitizer" – all the buzzwords I'm looking for. "Room sanitization opt-out available" is fantastic, because, hey, sometimes, you just want to wallow in your own (clean) mess. "Staff trained in safety protocol" is reassuring, especially if I'm going to be attempting that tricky-looking local cuisine. "Cashless payment service" – yes please! Makes everything easier. "Doctor/nurse on call," "First aid kit," and "Safety/security feature" are always a good thing to have in your back pocket. The presence of "CCTV in common areas" and "CCTV outside property" are also good, practical safety additions.
The Fun Stuff – Relaxing, Eating and Playing
- Things to do, ways to relax: Oh, boy, here's where it gets interesting. The list is long, and I'm already picturing myself in a blissful state. "Body scrub," "Body wrap" – heck yes. "Fitness center," "Gym/fitness" – well, I intend to use those, at least. (I bought cute workout clothes!). "Foot bath," "Massage," "Pool with view," "Sauna," "Spa," "Spa/sauna," "Steamroom," "Swimming pool," "Swimming pool [outdoor]" – Okay, I could probably spend a week just cycling through those. My inner sloth is very happy right now.
- Dining, drinking, and snacking: Okay, let's talk food! "A la carte in restaurant," "Breakfast [buffet]," "Breakfast takeaway service," "Coffee/tea in restaurant," "Coffee shop," "Desserts in restaurant," "Happy hour," "International cuisine in restaurant," "Poolside bar," "Restaurants," "Room service [24-hour]," "Salad in restaurant," "Snack bar" - a buffet sounds perfect. Now, I’m a sucker for a good buffet. I have no shame. And "Vegetarian restaurant" is a plus! Not that I’m veggie, I love a good piece of meat. But a good veggie option is always welcome. "Western breakfast," "Western cuisine in restaurant" – well, I'll probably lean towards whatever's authentically Montenegrin.
- My Stream-of-Consciousness about the Spa/Sauna: I'm picturing myself, fresh off a long-haul flight, immediately ditching my luggage and heading straight for the "Spa/Sauna." I'm thinking sauna first. Sweat out all the airplane germs, right? Then, the pool with a view. Like, a genuine view. Maybe the Adriatic Sea? Or maybe the mountains? Ooh, it has to be mountains! Picture me, floating, cocktail in hand, totally zen… Okay, focus. Then, a "Body wrap." I've always wanted to try one. Imagine, wrapped in seaweed or whatever, feeling all cleansed and detoxified… And then, the massage. This is where I'm really going to get into it. Deep tissue, please. Work out all those knots I've been accumulating from… well, life. The possibilities are endless
Services and Conveniences – They Thought of Everything!
"Air conditioning in public area," "Audio-visual equipment for special events," "Business facilities," "Cash withdrawal," "Concierge," "Contactless check-in/out," "Convenience store," "Currency exchange," "Daily housekeeping," "Doorman," "Dry cleaning," "Elevator," "Essential condiments," "Facilities for disabled guests," "Food delivery," "Gift/souvenir shop," "Indoor venue for special events," "Invoice provided," "Ironing service," "Laundry service," "Luggage storage," "Meeting/banquet facilities," "Meetings," "Meeting stationery," "On-site event hosting," "Outdoor venue for special events," "Projector/LED display," "Safety deposit boxes," "Seminars," "Shrine," "Smoking area," "Terrace," "Wi-Fi for special events," "Xerox/fax in business center" – Literally, what haven't they covered? This place is serious about making your life easy. "Contactless check-in/out" and "Currency exchange" – vital! "Gift/souvenir shop" – perfect for last-minute panics. "Dry cleaning" and "Laundry service" – yes, to all of that.
For the Kids – (And the Inner Child in Me!)
"Babysitting service," "Family/child-friendly," "Kids facilities," "Kids meal" – Okay, while I don't have kids, it's nice to know that they welcome families! If my niece and nephew ever decided to come on vacation, they might be very happy here.
Available in all Rooms – The Necessities (and the Extras!)
- The Basics: "Additional toilet," "Air conditioning," "Alarm clock," "Bathrobes," "Bathroom phone," "Bathtub," "Blackout curtains," "Carpeting," "Closet," "Coffee/tea maker," "Complimentary tea," "Daily housekeeping," "Desk," "Extra long bed," "Free bottled water," "Hair dryer," "High floor," "In-room safe box," "Interconnecting room(s) available," "Internet access – LAN," "Internet access – wireless," "Ironing facilities," "Laptop workspace," "Linens," "Mini bar," "Mirror," "Non-smoking," "On-demand movies," "Private bathroom," "Reading light," "Refrigerator," "Satellite/cable channels," "Scale," "Seating area," "Separate shower/bathtub," "Shower," "Slippers," "Smoke detector," "Socket near the bed," "Sofa," "Soundproofing," "Telephone," "Toiletries," "Towels," "Umbrella," "Visual alarm," "Wake-up service," "Wi-Fi [free]," "Window that opens."
- The Stream-of-Consciousness Again: The "Bathrobes" and "Slippers" are key. I always judge a hotel by its robes. Are they fluffy? Plush? Does the towel feel luxurious against the skin? My inner diva is already planning my post-spa lounging attire. "Blackout curtains" and "Smoke detector" are always a must. "Internet access – wireless" and "Internet access – LAN"! They’ve thought of everything. The "Mini bar" is a dangerous pleasure. But, come on - the "Refrigerator" is going to save me from my late-night cravings.
My Quirky Observations & Emotional Reactions
Okay, here's where I get real. I'm a sucker for "Room decorations," because a hotel can be truly delightful. The terrace! Picture me, wrapped in
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your glossy brochure kind of trip. This is real life, folks. And my life, for the next few days, is firmly planted in Apartment Lazar & Marco Montenegro. Don't ask me how I ended up here, just…trust me, it involves a lost Ryanair flight, a dodgy translation app, and a profound love of really, really strong coffee. Here's the potential disaster zone, er, itinerary:
Apartment Lazar & Marco Montenegro: A Tale of Two Halves (and Possibly a Fridge That Might Kill Me)
Day 1: Arrival and Immediate Regret-ish
Morning (or "Whenever I Can Drag Myself Out of the Coma That is Ryanair Sleep"):
- 8:00 AM (Give or take): Wake up. Or, more accurately, attempt to coax my eyeballs into functioning. Hopefully, the jet lag from the transatlantic flight won't have fully consumed me. This is assuming I can find the damn coffee maker. I already had a minor meltdown trying to figure out the door lock. Turns out, you gotta push the handle down while turning the key. Who knew?
- 8:30 AM - 9:00 AM: Breakfast. Or what passes for breakfast. Praying there's something edible in the fridge. Currently, I'm picturing suspicious-looking cheese cubes, maybe a rogue onion, and definitely a bottle of something I can't pronounce. God help me.
- 9:00 - 10:30 AM: Explore Apartment. I want to write down every weird detail of the apartment, I have to get used to it cause I will be staying there for a while.
- 10:30 AM - 1:00 PM: Venture out for groceries. This is where it gets tricky. My Croatian is limited to "Hvala" (thanks) and "Pivo" (beer… obviously). I will definitely get lost, probably embarrass myself in front of the locals when I try to ask for the location of a market and will probably end up buying a bunch of stuff I don't need.
- 1:00 PM - whenever: Lunch and attempt to cook. This will be a disaster. I burn water. But hey maybe I will be able to find a restaurant?
Afternoon:
- 2:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Nap. Essential. Jet lag is a beast. Also, the cheese cubes are starting to look… menacing.
- 4:30 PM - 6:00 PM: Explore the Neighborhood. Aiming for a leisurely stroll, but knowing my luck, I'll stumble into a local festival involving goat-herding and a questionable amount of rakija.
- 6:30 PM onwards: Dinner and attempt to find somewhere to eat that doesn't require me to communicate with anyone (maybe a kebab shop?). Contemplate life choices while staring at the menu.
Evening
- 8:00 PM: Dinner.
- 9:00 PM - 11:00 PM: Start and finish that book.
- 11:00 PM: Bedtime. Pray the bed isn't filled with something that creeps.
Day 2: Culture Shock and Potential Tourist Trauma
Morning:
- 8:00 AM: Wake up and regret the cheese cubes.
- 8:30 AM - 10:00 AM: Attempt at a decent Coffee and breakfast.
- 10:00 AM -1:00 PM: Visit the old town. I'm expecting picture-perfect cobblestone streets and charming squares. I'm also expecting crowds of tourists, overpriced souvenirs, and at least one pigeon attack.
- 1:00 PM: Lunch in the old town. Brace myself for sticker shock.
Afternoon:
- 2:30 PM - 4:30 PM: Free time. Let's see, do I go to a museum and pretend to understand art? Or do I go back to the apartment and sleep? That's a no-brainer.
- 5:00 PM -6:00 PM: Go to the market again. I'm going to be lost. I just know it.
Evening
- 7:00 PM: Dinner
- 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM: Drink beer, think, and write.
- 10:00 PM: Sleep
Day 3: Doubling Down on the Experience (and Maybe Regretting It)
Morning:
- 8:00 AM: Wake up, with a pounding headache.
- 8:30 AM - 10:00 AM: Coffee, coffee, coffee. And maybe a croissant, if I'm feeling ambitious.
- 10:00 - 1:00: Okay, you know what? Screw the planned itinerary. I'm going back to that tiny little bakery I passed yesterday. The one with the amazing smell of freshly baked bread. I'm buying ALL the pastries. Seriously. I am going to become one with the carbs. No, wait…double bakery run. Then off to the beach?
- 1:00 PM: Lunch. Food, fuel, and a moment of clarity. Then nap!
Afternoon:
- 3:00 PM: Explore.
- 5:00 PM: Head back to the apartment, take a bath, and rest.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner.
Evening:
- 7:00 PM: Evening time
- 9:00 PM: Netflix bing.
Why This Itinerary is Probably Wrong (and Why I Love It):
- Reality Check: Let's be honest, this is more of a suggestion than a strict schedule. I am notoriously bad at sticking to plans.
- The Mystery Fridge: The contents of the fridge are a source of constant anxiety. Expect frequent updates on the status of the suspicious cheese cubes.
- Language Barrier Bliss: My attempts at conversing in Croatian will be laughably terrible. Prepare for lots of frantic hand gestures and awkward smiles.
- The Unexpected: The best part of travel is the unplanned stuff. I'm fully prepared for detours. I'm prepared to get lost, to mess up, to spend a whole day in my pajamas. That's the fun!
- Emotional Rollercoaster: This trip is already starting to feel like one big, glorious, messy adventure. I'm scared, I'm excited, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a whole month to recover.
So there you have it. The raw, unfiltered truth of my Croatian escapade. Wish me luck. I'll need it. And for God's sake, don't let me drink all the rakija. (Unless I'm having a really bad day.)
P.S. If anyone finds my sanity, please return it to me. Preferably before the cheese cubes stage a coup.
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Luxury Montenegro Escape: Apartment Lazar & Marco Awaits! - The Unfiltered Truth (FAQ Style...ish)
Okay, spill the beans! Is this place *really* as luxurious as it sounds? I'm skeptical, help me!
Alright, deep breaths. Luxury? Yeah, it's *pretty* luxurious. But look, let's be real, "luxury" can be subjective, right? For me, luxury is a fully stocked fridge upon arrival (done!), not having to make my own bed (also done!), and maybe, just maybe, a balcony with a view that makes you want to weep with joy. Lazar and Marco's place? Tick, tick, and… MASSIVE TICK. The marble floors? Shiny. The view? Seriously Instagram-worthy, and that's saying something because I SUCK at photography. There was a slight hiccup day one: The AC in the master bedroom was a bit… temperamental. Let's just say I woke up feeling like I'd wrestled a dragon. But, and this is key, Marco was ON IT. Fixed in like, an hour. See? Imperfection, but then amazing recovery. Consider the luxury meter calibrated to, oh, about a 9.5. The lingering .5 keeps it grounded, you know? You don't want TOO much perfection; it's creepy.
What’s the deal with Lazar and Marco? Are they… *ghosts*? (Just kidding... mostly.) What are they really like?
Haha! No ghosts, thank God. Though, honestly, with those views, a ghost wouldn't even be unwelcome. Lazar and Marco? They're… charming. Marco, especially, is a chatty Cathy (in the best way!). He met us at the apartment, which honestly, was SUCH a relief after the drive. He had this genuine, infectious enthusiasm. Lazar, I saw less of, but he was super responsive with emails and helped with the logistics beforehand. They clearly care about their place and making sure you have a good time. And they both have this… *style*. Like, they looked like they belong in a Bond film (James, not the other one. We don't talk about the other one). They left us a welcome basket with local treats, including some Rakija (strong stuff!) that was… memorable. Let's just say I woke up with a slightly foggy memory of singing opera. So yeah, Lazar and Marco: Great hosts, genuinely nice people, and potentially dangerous Rakija providers. Proceed with cautious enjoyment.
The pictures… are they real? Or is it all Photoshop magic? I've been burned before!
Okay, this is a big one. *Trust me, I get it*. I'm usually the one squinting at pictures, looking for the seams in the digital tapestry. The pictures? Yeah, they’re real. The view from the balcony? *Even better* in person. Seriously. I'm not exaggerating. I spent a good hour the first day just staring. My partner had to drag me inside for lunch. The internet NEVER does justice to Montenegro. It's like… the pictures show a lovely painting, but in reality, you're standing IN the painting and it's glorious and your soul is happy. Now, are there slight enhancements? Probably. Is the place immaculately clean? Yes. But the bones, the soul of the place, is there. And it's stunning. I’m telling you. The pictures, they're a promise, and the reality… well, it over delivers. Consider my skepticism, utterly crushed. The only reason I haven't posted any pics is because I'm afraid of ruining the *perfect* shots myself (I’m still working on the photography skills. And the courage.)
So, the location… is it convenient? Are you stranded up a mountain?
Convenience is key, folks! And it's a good balance. It’s not, like, *smack-dab* in the middle of everything, but that's A GOOD THING. It's a bit removed, which means peace, quiet, and that stunning view (again, I'm obsessed). It’s close enough to the action. You can absolutely walk to some nice cafes, restaurants, and beaches, but be prepared for a bit of a climb on the way back (those views don't come easy!). We rented a car, which was great for exploring the coast and nearby towns. Parking was generally okay too. One day, we got a teensy bit lost trying to find a specific hiking trail and ended up, somewhat accidentally, driving through a tiny village where the locals seemed *mildly* amused by our ineptitude. I’d give the location a solid 8.5/10. The other 1.5 is for the hiking (which is fantastic, by the way), but good luck finding the trailhead sometimes!
Give me the good, the bad, and the ugly! (Be honest!)
Alright, buckle up. The Good: The view. The spaciousness. The balcony (I could live on that balcony). The fully-equipped kitchen (we cooked almost every night, which was amazing). The welcome basket. The hosts (both super-friendly, always accessible). The overall 'vibe' – it’s just… relaxing. The Bad: That temperamental AC one day (mentioned it already, but truly it wasn't a deal-breaker, just slightly sweaty). The walk back up from the beach can be a brutal at the end of the day (but good for the glutes, innit?). The Ugly: Honestly, the “ugly” is just… the drive to get there if you haven't been to Montenegro before. The roads can be winding and narrow. Make sure your car is up to the task (but it's beautiful!). And maybe pack some motion sickness pills, just in case. Besides that, the “ugly” is non-existent. Really. Okay, maybe some tiny ants in the bin, but that can happen anywhere. They were easily dealt with.
Okay, okay, tell me about the beach! Is it easy to get to? Is it crowded? Amazing?
Let's talk beach! Because, obviously, you MUST go to the beach. Getting to the beach? Relatively easy, although again, a bit of a walk (down *and* up. Remember the glutes? It's good exercise!). One beach we found, a little hidden gem, was amazing. Crystal clear water, not too crowded, and… (wait for it…) a beach bar that served *amazing* cocktails. One afternoon turned into a glorious, hazy blur of sun, swimming, and sipping. I think I had a mojito for breakfast. No regrets! We had another beach further down: it was alright, but so many people. I'm not a fan of crowds. So much better to find a small, idyllic spot, even if it means a bit of a trek. The beaches in that area are breathtaking: sandy, pebbly, crystal waters… you'll find something that suits. Definitely a highlight. The beach itself? Phenomenal. The after-beach cocktail? Legendary.
